Victoria Alexander - Red Flags in Dating and Relationships
Episode #26: Welcome to the Coaching Closet, I'm your host Richele, thank you so much for joining me. Today I am so excited because I'm bringing back my bestie Victoria Alexander to talk about red flags in dating and relationships. We talk about addressing the issues that you know are there, and then when they come up, seeing what the response from the other person is, and if it gets addressed by them. If they care to change something, or maybe if you're just not a match, and trusting your intuition, yourself and your gut feeling.
Ready? Listen in...
• Yeah, and so it's about loving yourself enough to know your value and to leave your situation when you know it's not good for you, or not getting into a situation that you know is a huge red flag. There's a couple of funny memes that I've seen that are hilarious one is perfect for Valentine's day, because this guy is holding a dozen red flags and she goes, 'Oh a dozen red flags, I love him so much', and then there's another one where he says 'Good morning beautiful'. And she says, 'Take me off rotation'. (8:05)
• When that happens, I think is a very important to know what to do. So I think a lot of times people don't do anything because they don't know what to do, they either cut bait and go or they don't do anything. So I think the important thing is to tell people what do you do at that point. Well, that's where communication skills come in, you have to know how to open your mouth and speak. And you know what? It may be a little scary to communicate with someone, especially someone you only just started knowing. I'm like, Listen, first of all, you have to have healthy boundaries. And you have to know what those are. If your boundary is, I need to be respected, like say someone stood you up on a date or something like that. That's probably a boundary. You carve out your time for that person, they decide the last minute they're not going or something, and they act like it's no big deal, that's a red flag. And it's something that needs to be addressed now. (12:40)
• There's so much integrity in realizing, Okay, we're not a match. I tell people, 'You're not dating to make it a match, you're dating to see if it is one, and so even when you go through break ups and such, and I've had episodes about breakups, sometimes you complete a relationship and it's about the two people realizing, Okay, this is not working, this is not going to be... We're not compatible for whatever reason, and sometimes they're very difficult. But as long as you do look and realize, Okay, there's lessons to be learned from here in this relationship, and you take those to heart and you go on in the future and say, Okay, now I know what I need and what I want, and hopefully the other person does too, and you help each other grow... What is better than that? I mean, that's what we all want to do. So you're not forcing it to be a match... I think some people get in a relationship and think I have to make this work, I have to... I have to... And they're just like, beating their head against the wall. What's the point of that? (19:33)
• I was married for 20 years and you were married for a long time, we have an our story from it, right? We have our experience from it, so do our spouses are ex's. They have their story and what they learned from it, neither is wrong or right to be honest. It's what we both needed. But whenever I was married, my life felt like, my soul that like, I was like dead. So I felt like my life was being sucked out of me, and I don't blame that on my ex, it's just the relationship wasn't meant to continue. He didn't suck the life out of me, it was the relationship that was no longer serving me...or him. And so I had to make the decision, I had to be strong enough and listen to that gut feeling, listen to my inner voice saying, 'You are not supposed to be here anymore, get out. (22:44)
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