Breakups: Learn. Grow. Start Again.
Episode 23: Welcome to the Coaching Closet, I'm your host Richele Batt. Let's talk about break-ups. They're not easy. None of us usually you see them coming... Not from the beginning, at least. If we did, why would we ever start a relationship? We don't start out in a relationship or a marriage thinking, well, one day this is gonna end... No, definitely not. But break-ups, they don't have to ruin our lives or define our future, and they don't have to be negative, they can be an opportunity for growth and opportunity for a spiritual awakening. Katherine Woodward Thomas came up with the term Conscious Uncoupling, and this is an amazing program that is coached all over the world. Here's a quote from her: "In a nutshell, a break up is nothing short of a once in a lifetime opportunity to have a complete spiritual awakening, one that catapults you to a whole new level of authenticity, compassion, wisdom, depth, and—dare I say it?—even joy.” So breakups are opportunities for growth.
Ready to dive into this? Let's go...
• A lot of times, like you spend months, if not years, contemplating like, Am I gonna go or I'm gonna stay... There are even coaches out there that are... Should I Stay or Should I Go coaches? And I'm one of those that I will never tell a client what to do, I help them to decide for themselves what's best for them, and be introspective as what their part is, and if they can show up in a different way so that the relationship will improve. Because many times, if they just show up better and in a more healthy way, the relationship can improve, but it can only improve if both parties want it to. And if both people are willing to show up in a way that is healthy and beneficial for the relationship. (2:29)
• So sometimes a relationship can last a couple of months and then you realize that sometimes it can last a couple of years, sometimes a couple of decades before you realize this is not working, and honestly, it's better to realize that before it becomes completely toxic. Because sometimes you realize it and you start resenting the other person like, Why isn't it working out, why isn't it compatible? Why isn't it aligning with what I want it to be? And many times it comes from both sides, so Conscious Uncoupling is a book, and it's also a program, and it's written by Katherine Woodward Thomas, and it's really great for anyone suffering from a heart that is hurting from a loss of a love relationship. If you're in the midst of a break-up, if you're struggling with unresolved pain from the past, I mean it could have been a decade ago and you're still hurting from that relationship ending, or you're not sure if you are wanting to stay or go. It's something that you might want to think about doing, you might want to think about reading the book, or you might want to think about getting with a coach and exploring conscious uncoupling. (4:31)
• I think we see these fairytales and this happily ever after scenario, and we think, Well, if it doesn't go that way, then it's bad and it was never meant to be, and I should be angry about it, or be bitter about it. Why not look at it a different way? Why don't we look at it as, You know what, what can I value about that time that I had with that person? What do I appreciate about them and how they helped me grow, or the memories we created together, and maybe even the children we created together, and who did I become that I could never have become had it not been for them being in my life? And if you really change your perspective and reframe it in that way, it opens up a whole new part of you and part of your heart and allows you to see things very, very differently. I think if everybody took that approach, people would be walking around with a lot less baggage than they are now, and they'd be able to go into their next relationship a lot lighter, freer and ready to open their heart for love. (6:34)
• I want to challenge you today, if you're feeling stuck from a past relationship that you've held on to because you thought you never wanted it to end or you're holding on to resentment, if you could just release those resentments and maybe write down the things that you're grateful for in that relationship, that's a first step. And I definitely encourage you to pick up the book or order it on Amazon, Conscious Uncoupling, and read it and understand it. Or, you can get it on Audible and listen to it, and it will open up your mind and it will open up your heart. There's definitely more love to have out there in the world, and there's more people for you to love. I've seen this quote, and it says, 'You've not met all the people that are going to love you yet', and you surely haven't. (8:29)
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