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My Journey With Infertility

Episode 13: Welcome back to the Coaching Closet, I'm your host Richele Batt. Today, in honor of October month, that is based on really loving yourself and celebrating life, because it's my birthday month. I was struggling a little bit of what to speak about, but there's something that is compelling me to share my infertility story, it's a unique one, everyone's I think is unique, but I really just think this is going to encourage someone or help someone, just knowing that every single life is so precious.

Ready? Let's go...


• Months and months went by and nothing was happening. I was not conceiving. So about month nine or 10, we went to my regular doctor and I just said, Hey, I've been trying to get pregnant and it's not happening very fast, so they put me on a three-month round of Clomid, which is a pharmaceutical drug that helps the body to produce eggs and it helps in the infertility process. Sometimes it's all you need to do is take a little bit of that. I'm not a doctor or scientist, but I do know that you do produce more eggs, sometimes you get twins with that. So I got on this drug, and I will just tell you for anyone that's been on this, I don't know if it affects everyone in the same way but it made me so hormonal, it was like having PMS times 10000, I'm talking, crying fits like depression, feeling really down, highs and lows. It was pretty nuts, and I was saying, this better work, because this is making me crazy. (02:09)

• But after lots of blood work, blood tests and all kinds of tests, what I had was unexplained secondary infertility. So, my husband was tested, I was tested, and there was no reason that they could find that I wasn't getting pregnant. That was even more frustrating for me because there's no reason. There's not a whole lot you can do about it. So another year went by and I still wasn't pregnant, and the hard part about secondary infertility that is different than, I guess having it to begin with is, that we already had a child, so people automatically ask questions. I know that people don't mean to hurt anyone when they're asking very innocent questions like, Oh, when are you going to have another one, and when are you going to give her a brother or sister? I mean, when you're involved in your social group is all families and you're already involved with other moms and kids, it's something that just comes up. You're usually friends with those other moms that have the kids the same age as yours, and so they start getting pregnant again after two, three, four years of having the last child, especially if it's their first, many people have another one, and so pregnancy is everywhere. (4:47)

• And another thing I struggle with is, am I being selfish? I already have one child, how dare I ask for another when there's so many people that can't even have one, so I struggle with that. But there was something deep inside of me that knew I was meant to have another one, it just was a longing that I couldn't get rid of... And so my prayer was then, Okay, Lord, if this is what is meant for me, or if it's not meant for me, please take the desire away. If it's meant for me, just show me where to go, because I was getting frustrated and I really was hoping that the desire would either go away or I would just get pregnant. Because it was like, I was in this cycle where I couldn't think about anything else every day, it was just everywhere. So finally we decided to do some infertility treatments, and what we did was... It's called IUI intrauterine insemination, and they just have a process of giving you the medication to make sure that you ovulate, so I was back on the clomid again, which made me crazy again. (07:42)

• And I got in the shower, and that morning I was going to a meeting with other moms of pre-schoolers and I was just like, This sucks so bad, I don't even want to be around these other moms, they're all pregnant. When I got out of the shower, something told me that I should look at the test again, and I don't know what it was, but I got it out of the trash can and there was the faint line of a positive and I just was like, What? Could this be real? It was positive, but it took way longer than the test you take to show. So I called my doctor and I told her... It was a Friday, so I was going to have to wait til the next week to confirm if it was a viable pregnancy, and it was probably the longest weekend of my life, But praise be to God, I did get pregnant with my beautiful daughter Samantha. And it makes me cry because I remember just being so overjoyed and just relieved that this struggle had come to an end to where I finally carry this child. (12:10)


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